If you get sad thinking about everything that you don’t have, try thinking about everything you stand to lose. Then feel terrified instead.
If you get sad thinking about everything that you don’t have, try thinking about everything you stand to lose. Then feel terrified instead.
Remember when we were little? We’d say “When I grow up, I want to be…”
We would play Nintendo as children, and understand that it was a grown up that made it possible. A child didn’t invent this technology. We’d watch shuttle launches, knowing children weren’t allowed in space. But it would inspire, amaze and terrify us nonetheless. These are the things that prompted us to say “When I grow up…”. We knew that adults were capable of making cool shit happen. Whether it be inventing a videogame, blasting into the vast unknown, or just making a room full of strangers laugh at their jokes. We knew that some day it would be our turn.
Well, guess what? The time has come. We are adults. The verdict is in. How close did we come?
When I was young, I would finish the sentence in question with “a stand up comedian”. Of course when I said that, I meant a FAMOUS stand up comedian. Now that I am a grown up who actually takes part in stand up comedy, I’ve lost that clear goal. I don’t plan on getting famous doing this. Experience and knowledge have conspired to compact my three-course dream into pill form. Just add water and in 5 short minutes, your goals will be a soggy representation of their potential on the plate of your life. But at least you won’t starve to death.
When imagination takes a backseat to reality, sometimes you need to rearrange your expectations; All while actively trying to better yourself, and simultaneously being appreciative of where you are at the moment. We need to accept what we’ve sacrificed in order to celebrate what we’ve earned.
Now our parents are the old people, and we’re the adults. We’re the ones left to make the cool shit happen. Our children, our little sisters and brothers, and our nieces and nephews are the ones to judge; The ones to be inspired, amazed and terrified.
What have you done to terrify a little kid today?
Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. This is a very interesting time of the year. People seem to inadvertently become rather transparent about how they really feel about their lives.
The most obvious are the people who are single and clearly very bitter about it. The “Fuck Valentine’s Day” people. Perhaps they’re having trouble finding themselves a partner. We’ve all been there. But it’s nothing that you can hold against Valentine’s Day. It’s just February 14th. It hasn’t done anything to you. Your issue isn’t with the holiday, your issue is with the fact that you’re single. And you need to just accept that shit. There is nothing wrong with being single. Who ever said that life’s only purpose is to find a compatible partner? Stop taking Disney movies so literally. We are born into this world as one person and we are going to die as one person. It is your responsibility to make the most of the time in between. Embrace your freedom. You have a wonderful opportunity to look at yourself and your life objectively. To take criticism from no one. You can do everything that you want to do exactly how you want to do it and you don’t have to answer to any damn body. If you aren’t happy with the way your life is, it’s up to you to make a change.
You don’t need to take up a new hobby. You don’t need to go out more. You don’t need to make new friends. What you need to change is your fucking outlook on the world around you. You are going to wake up tomorrow, and that’s something worth appreciating. And if you don’t wake up tomorrow, you won’t even know it. So you better celebrate the time that you have RIGHT NOW. You are going to wake up every single day for the rest of your life and you are still going to be you. That is the only constant. It’s the one thing in the world that you can rely on. Once you accept this fact, you can start working on being happy. Until then, you’re just spinning your wheels, waiting for a hero that will never come.
My name is Rob Callahan and this is my first blog entry. I’m a stand-up comic, and the reason I am writing this is to reinforce the idea that you should give a shit about what I have to say.
What does someone have to do in order to call themselves a stand up comic? First, sign up for an open mic. You are well on your way. Second, get on the stage. Third, pick up the microphone and talk into it for 5 minutes. Last, exit the stage.
Congratulations! You are now a stand up comedian.
Your new found level of entitlement and self abuse grants you privileges that you’ve never even dreamed possible. For example, you can say things like “I am a stand up comedian.” or “Please come to my show. PLEASE”. It’s also only a matter of time before you feel comfortable talking to an entire room of strangers about your bowel movements. It doesn’t get any better than that.
I’m going to try to put at least one thing on here every day. I promise not to post glittery .gifs, or adorable screenshots with quotes from romantic comedies. Sometimes I’ll write, sometimes I’ll put pictures, sometimes I’ll put a video. I may even review some albums in a vein attempt to get people to like only the things that I like, and to rebel against the things that I don’t.
It will be like NOTHING YOU’VE EVER SEEN BEFORE.
